A.K.A. The create-great-friendship-moments-manual
Who can’t relate to the following? A group of friends is having a good time, and someone suggests to go on a trip together. Ideas burst up. “Stockholm would be great, but it’s pricey. Wroclaw is worth visiting, but I’ll go next month with my girlfriend. Barcelona has nice weather, but I’ve been there already. Who takes the lead and which dates suit everyone?” The discussion is going on and on.
We are a group of ten guys. Some of them I’ve been knowing since kindergarten, but everyone knows everyone for more than 15 years. If we were struggling to agree on a specifics, others do for sure, too. The size of the group adds to the complexity. The destination is only one aspect. Here are some learnings from our trips.
2013: Prague
2014: Gdansk
2015: Budapest
2016: Leipzig
2017: Ballum (Denmark) - doesn’t quite fit in, does it?. Will explain.
Like most things in life, having the idea is nice, but nothing happens unless you take action. Let’s cut to the chase and design a system to execute the plan.
“Life is too ironic to fully understand. It takes sadness to know what happiness is. Noise to appreciate silence. And absence to value presence.”
1. Change organising teams
The organising team consists of two and changes every year: First, they send out a doodle to determine the ideal date and budget - we go for three nights usually. The first time we went I was still studying. It was 200 EUR for all fixed costs. Fixed costs include transportation, accommodation and pre-planned activities, though we increased the budget in the following years.
A rule of thumb is one booked activity per day. Don’t put it up for discussion. It just doesn’t work. We did city and brewery tours, boat trips, pub crawls, escape rooms, laser tag etc. Again, this needs to be included in the budget.
Changing organising teams is also an excellent way for people to get to know each other better.
2. Schedule the payments
We divide the payments into different chunks so people can plan. 100 EUR to be wired to the organisers by September, 1st, then 100 by November, 1st and the last by January, 1st.
The payment schedule is also for getting an early commitment. We keep each other on our toes. If someone pulls out after making a payment, we try to refund it, but there is no guarantee. Some booking might have been made already.
3. Keep the destination a secret
One of the best things is that no one except the organisers knows beforehand where we are going. No information is shared about the destination. The organisers decide where to go, book it and tell when and where to meet.
On our first trip, we met at Bremen airport. I checked departures before, so I had an idea where we would go. We were about to enter the terminal before the organisers told us to stop and pointed to the small bus parking close by. I couldn’t believe it. When passing Berlin, most of us assumed we were going to Prague which was true.
The other year, we met at one friend’s place. Again, we just knew when to be where. Once we figured out while driving on the Autobahn that we were going to Hamburg airport, we still didn’t know about the final destination Budapest.
“Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.”
Just because we manage to get this done a couple of years in a row, doesn’t mean there aren’t challenges. Priorities shift. Some of us got married and became fathers in the meantime. We went to Ballum in Denmark in 2017, the first time with our partners and kids, 24 in total. We found a huge house there, and it's only a four-hour drive away from our hometown. I enjoyed it, even though it was very different compared the previous trips. Not better or worse, just different.
So how did we come up with this?
One friend did this kind of trips with his basketball mates. While they studied, they did terms and internships elsewhere in Europe. They invited each other to visit. So my friend brought up the idea of doing something similar.
The truth is that you never know how many great moments you will have with your friends. Friendship needs to be nourished and developed. Life is fragile, and usually, people tend to regret on their deathbed not having spent more time with friends. It’s important to work on creating memorable moments actively.
The real reason for these trips dates back to 2003. Eight of us went on a trip to Italy. I was minor, but three of the others recently got their driver’s license, so we decided to drive approximately 2500 km through Europe, including crossing the Alps. Our parents were delighted, but they let us go eventually. We had so much fun.
Sadly, one friend passed away a few years ago. Looking back, this was a significant driver for initiating these trips. So, please do me a favour and don’t wait for such horrible things to happen. Spend time with your friends. This money isn’t spent, it’s invested.